| Plus ça change, le plus la même chose |
[May. 14th, 2006|03:26 pm] |
Urchin wishes now to entertain you with more tails of woe from our little ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) reiku. Let Urchin set the stage: It is voting time again at iyissekiwa (which to Urchin's spines sounds like a Native American summer camp). Lo, our little sword of lament and toil is in the running. But what is this? The results, they come back and she is not the winner! Urchin says there must have been a mistake! There must have been an error!
( Or was it... FRAUD! )
Urchin always enjoys it when the "It wasn't in your forum therefore it's none of your business" excuse comes into play. Urchin also hastens to mention that Otter wishes lilac_rose24 a speedy recovery, suggesting that it may well be hastened by time away from the internet. At the very least, it will help the blood pressure.
As to where Urchin learned French, the tourists on the "See Alaska!" cruises will throw the most amazing things overboard. |
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| Public Information Announcement |
[May. 12th, 2006|06:49 pm] |
With a recent infestation of new mice, there seems to be some confusion about us. And since I'm nothing if not helpful (and almost startlingly good-looking,) I thought I'd provide a nice little cheat sheet:
arctic_kitsune: wants you to know he's a guy. But don't make the mistake of assuming that just because he's gay, he has a good sense of fashion.
chibiseal: writes tl;dr reviews. Has superficial blubber piercings, and is not afraid to flash them.
chumguzzler: unintentionally scares mice away. Also, wants you to know she's a girl.
frosty_ermine: is the One True Vermin. And don't you forget it!
glacial_otter: interpeter for a snarky urchin. Also, may be an honorary vermin.
kujiraza: is the one and only Wank Whale. Rises to the surface only occasionally.
narwhal_elite: aka Clarence. Beware of horn.
snowyarcticowl: needs a good, deep dickin'.
winterptarmigan: like all flighted birds, prone to sudden outbursts of righteous indignation. Watch out for molting feathers.
Also, I'm the prettiest one here. Don't let them tell you otherwise. They're all just jealous.
Edit: snowyarcticowl is a ho-bag.
Edit #2: snowyarcticowl secretly fantasizes about playing "find the truffle" with Rush Limbaugh.
Edit #3: snowyarcticowl lives in sin with Phyllis Schlafly.
Edit #4: arctic_kitsune is jealous of snowyarcticowl's living arrangements.
Edit #5: arctic_kitsune whacks off while reading The National Review.
Edit #6: arctic_kitsune cried like a little bitch at the end of Titanic.
Edit #7: kujiraza writes Saved By the Bell fanfiction.
Edit #8: kujiraza sleeps with a Rod Stewart blow-up doll.
Edit #9: chibiseal cried like a little bitch at the end of "The Lucky Ones." |
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| Looks like there's another TB epidemic |
[May. 11th, 2006|02:21 pm] |
Some may say I’m easily amused, and they’d be right. Some may say I have the attention span of a chimp on LSD, and they’d probably be right there as well. So it’s no surprise to me that I stopped posting at InuAnon. There was Frosty’s big thing, there was work, there was my brief tango with Nicorette, there was my relapse into the land of the smokey, and there was a road trip to stay with Chummy, involving a shopping trip never again to be mentioned.
But every now and then, a choice tidbit comes down the line and whets my avian appetite. It came in the form of an email from an enterprising mousie who found my address on my ffn page. It told me to go look at our old mocking targets friends down at TB. So I did. What can I say? I was bored, and they’re an easy target.
Here’s what I was greeted with on their user info page:
As The Arctic Circle is pretty much dead, we have no reason to snark at them unless they again raise their ugly heads in fandom. We of Tropical Bitch declare that we will remain ever vigilant in our pursuit of cold-weather trolls. Plus, seal-hide makes for an excellent spooge-rag to wipe the floor.
Reports of our death have been greatly exaggerated.
Lucky for them, stupid is the new black.
Looks like they’re up to their old tricks again: another forum dared to decline these lovely and talented BNF’s, because the BNF’s in question (Wheezambu and Reiku Toukijin) have a history in the fandom this forum doesn’t want to associate with. It’s kinda like telling someone you don’t want to sleep with them because you might catch their case of crabs. I get it: these kids don’t want to catch what those bitches have.
But instead of dealing with it like adults (remember, Wheezambu’s got the age covered if nothing else), they made it public and wanky.
I got curious and checked out the forum in question. It was put together by a few IY fans who were involved at Green Tea (and I still cannot fucking believe they accepted my feathery ass) and they say they want a forum free from drama and wank and it was put together in the spirit of Green Tea, etc, whatever.
The fucking nerve of them! Coding a forum and paying for the domain and bandwidth (and giving it a name otaku are sure to mispronounce), and then having the goddamn balls to tell the fandom’s dregs, the most classless people ever to create a FFN profile, that they weren’t welcome somewhere. Gee whiz, look at me. I’m shocked.
So of course the TB gang have an entire vineyard full of sour grapes, and they’re using it to make vats of whine. We’ve heard it before: “I didn’t want to be in your club anyway!” (Okay, so you applied why?) And “That forum isn’t anything but a Green Tea 2.0!” (ZOMG, you’re kidding! A knock-off of the original made by some of the original members? The fuck you say!)
It’s about as uninspired as their usual wank, and they’re spiraling down into their standard operating procedure of personal attacks and insults. Though, where these stupid twats get off calling anyone else a cunt is beyond me. Takes one to know one, I guess.
The whole thing is a kind of one-sided, since it looks like the admins of “Zamaamiyagare!” don’t want their members involved in wank, which I think was Green Tea’s policy too, and just as boring. So it’ll probably fizzle out once the BNF’s have had their little shitfit.
But here’s the funny part: WAY TO PROVE THEM RIGHT, YOU STUPID FUCKS.
These idiots are behaving like the wanktards the Zamaamiyagare (fuck it all, find a shorter forum title – multi-syllabic Japanese words do not make you cool, kids) admins thought they were. Let’s see: “We don’t want your skanky asses in our forum because we think you’re a bunch of wankers.” So what do they do? They wank.
And these brain trusts wonder why they’ve got a reputation for being fandom trailer trash.
They’re pitching a public tantrum and generally showing their asses over a refusal that was ten times more polite and respectful than any of them fucking deserved. It’s kind of a yawn, but pretty funny all the same. You know, funny like a little monkey dancing around in a little hat. |
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| Does Not Compute |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|10:53 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  queasy | ] |
Ah, A Single Spark. As I said earlier, it's a fountian of mock-worthy fics - even the stuff on the recommendation page. Duchesscarml's "A Second Chance at Love," for example, includes these tidbits:
Sesshoumaru liked the feel of [Kagome] against him... everywhere, though it was almost painful. His merry fellow wanted to come out and play too.
I want to say "What the fuck?!" here, but that doesn't really do it justice. I spend the formative years of my youth in the company of Dad's longshoremen buddies, and still, I cannot put together a string of profanity that would do this justice. It doesn't help that "My merry fellow wants to come out and play too" sounds like a pederast's pick-up line.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”
Her scream was loud and long as her muscles clamped down around [Sesshoumaru] and squeezed his release from him, but unbeknownst to Kagome the power she felt was also her own miko power building inside her. When she threw back her head and screamed her release she’d also released a bright purifying fuscia light of her power from her open mouth.
{Think; Mila Jovavich’s character at the end of the movie Fifth Element}
Now, I consider myself a worldly woman. I've heard about vomit fetishes. But I've never seen it portrayed in fiction in such a...creative manner. (Nevermind the phonetic orgasming and the jarring insertion of an author's note.) Later, we learn that Kagome's Miraculous Erotic Vomit of Love has somehow restored Sesshoumaru's missing left arm. One has to wonder: in that stream of Miraculous Erotic Vomit of Love, did she also regurgitate the arm?
I mean, wow. Vomit and vore. Now that's kinky. |
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| something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|10:48 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  weird | ] |
Recently I've been staying away from AFF.net. Layout changes, really not helping that site. Anyway, just looking through titles and summaries, I run across this:
i never new
inu never new he loved sango until she left mariku and fell in love with someone eles M/F
serrygryffindorlpb -:- R -:- Chapters [1] -:- Published [2005-11-01] -:- Updated [2005-11-01] -:- Hits [339] -:- Reviews [9] -:- Average Vote [*]
What the hell? Inuyasha was old, and Sango loved caribou?
I think being on the phone with Kei was the only thing that saved me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|12:38 pm] |
Why is it that the plot of about 70% of all het romance fics (alternate pairings, I'm specifically looking at YOU) boils down to this: Boy sees girl, is intrigued because she looks depressed, and then they boink. It's bad enough when overdramatic wangst is the theme at all, but when it becomes the sole reason for romantic interaction... Is this what girls really want? A pity fuck?
Newsflash: If he's hitting on you only because you look depressed, it's probably not because he genuinely feels sorry for you, or thinks that wangst is sexy. It's because he thinks you'll be an easy lay. |
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| Let us all bow our heads and observe a moment of silence... |
[Oct. 12th, 2005|12:32 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  somber | ] |
...in honor of that dearly departed haven of badfic, A Single Spark. When AFF blinked in and out of existence, when Mediaminer and Fanfiction.net proved too overwhelming to sift through, you were always there, my friend, never failing to deliver badfic after hilarious badfic.
I like to think of you as the gravy of the Inuyasha fandom: an overly lumpy gravy, with no yummy bits of sausage, and perhaps made from a mix by a college student who's never made a rue before in his life, but a gravy nonetheless. I'll miss you, Single Spark, and I look forward to your reincarnation...whatever it may be. *wipes a single tear* |
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| Clueless Fangirl Sighting |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|10:26 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | sick | ] |
http://www.livejournal.com/users/evilpuppy/135556.html#cutid1
So far the entry isn't locked. Don't think it will be unless some idiot starts wanking over there.
All in all I think it's pretty fucking sad that this fantwit didn't have brains enough to realize that I left a signed review and that my email address is displayed in my fanfiction.net profile. So instead she left a comment to me in the last place I'd ever see it.
In my current sniffling sneezing coughing aching stuffy head blah blah fucking blah state, I might consider writing this little girl. Neh. That's just the fever delirium talking. Fuckit. Anyone who really wants me knows where to find me.
In bed with a jar of Vicks up my nose. |
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